Sunday, January 24, 2010

Why i am not leaving Utah

Utah, and the inevitable Zombie hordes

So, a good friend of mine has been talking about zombies of late. In fact, we played Resident Evil 5 the other day, and it was brilliant. But as do all things undead, it got me thinking: this invasion is going to happen. Like it or not, at some point we are all going to have to deal with this. So I began to think of how. Thank goodness for people who are just as nerdy as I am and decided to write this:



A must read. But more importantly, the information gleaned revealed some really profound truths: Utah is the BEST place to be in case of zombies. And here is why:

So many reasons to live in Utah (from the perspective of a Zombie invasion)

Weather

Think about it. For over half of the year, our little piece of paradise looks something like unto this:



A zombie is NOT thinking about how cold it is. It is not thinking about frost bite, or hypothermia, etc. So every half year, there will be a major kill off. Frozen, brain dead zombies all over the place. No need to waste ammo or energy to blow them away. Just sit by the fire and listen to their bones crack in the freezing cold. And whatever you do dont see this movie, its false:




Guns

Here in good ole’ Utah, we have an entire weekend where our public schools shut down to celebrate the beginning of the deer season.(opening? Starting? Is it obvious that I am not a hunter?)



So considering that THIS guy is everyones neighbor, you have a virtually limitless supply of ammunition and weapons. I mean for goodness sakes, with Gunnies up the street, and Cabela’s just a few miles away, I have no fears of running out of bullets.



Food

Lets face it. There are Mormons EVERYWHERE in this valley. And there is nothing wrong with that, I am one myself. And because the good Lord is going to want creamed corn when he returns, most of them have amassed or are amassing some form of food storage. So with a population of over 2 million, and with somewhere between 50-72% of those people being mormon, you will have all the instant mashed potatoes and green jello your little hymn singin’ heart could want.



Women

I have been in many parts of The United States, and have oggled women at every turn. And they just plain don’t make them like they do here in Utah. So whether its a Zombie running after me screaming, or its a ass-kicking, world saving partner, I would much rather have :



Than: